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As night number one wrapped up at the Eerie Horror Festival, I was swept away in the nostalgia as I talked about horror movies of the past. House of the Dead was just awful…but it’s DVD was available for cheap. The Exorcist III is a greatly under-appreciated classic. After a few drinks, I started talking about the movies I wanted to introduce my kids to this Halloween: Beetlejuice, Little Shop of Horrors, and other films shaped my youth and gave me an appreciation for horror today. Of course, I’m a sucker for puppet horror. There’s just something hilarious about something absurd being scary.
Appropriately, the last movie of the night was Killer Rack. It was a perfect movie for my whiskey soaked mind. It combined three of my favorite things in this world: silly humor, puppet horror, and breasts. While starting out strong, it sags a little in the middle but perks up again at the end. Surprisingly, it’s not as raunchy as you think. It’s 12 year old humor…and I had a blast with it. I want the soundtrack. I’ve been singing “Everybody Needs Funbags” all night now.
Poor Betty (Jessica Zwolak) is a young professional woman going nowhere in life. The voluptuous women at her office seem to have quite an advantage in her office due to their physical attributes. Her boyfriend wants nothing to do with her physically. Betty just can’t seem to win and seeks out the help of Dr. Thulu (Debbie Rochon) to help her gain some swagger. Immediately, we notice that there’s something strange about Dr. Thulu. As Betty is placed under anesthesia, Dr. Thulu wheels in a strange crate…
After her breast enhancement, Betty immediately is rewarded at work. Her boss promotes her. He even gets her name right. Her friend Tim (Paul McGinnis) is no longer the only one pining for her attention: Gentlemen callers are coming out of the woodwork to bring her coffee. But Betty only has eyes for her boyfriend and sets out to seduce him. Of course, he’s excited at her new appearance. But as he creepily explores his new toys, he is attacked and loses a hand. Betty’s breasts are literally a killer rack and they are spectacular.
When Lloyd Kaufman appeared early in the film, I was quite surprised. But the film hits that sweet spot that makes Troma films so entertaining: It’s a goofy premise with a lot of goofy humor and references. I spent the first half hour laughing at the setup and nearly died during the first musical number. The Jay and Silent Bob ripoffs were hilarious, and I didn’t think the joke of killer mammories could get old.
But, as the film progresses, it does. Like I said, the first half hour is pee yourself funny but the movie loses steam somewhere in the second act. There’s still a few chuckles though that carry you through and I realized what director Greg Lamberson is trying to do. The premise is hilarious and eventually we are introduced to the puppets that are Betty’s ta-ta’s. And, let me tell you, I was pumped to see those funbags leading her around and setting off on their master play. The best way I can describe them is Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors) in breast form.
And, yes…I googled it as the main character does as well.
And I don’t regret a thing.
Is Killer Rack a perfect movie? Nah. But it’s fun. It has its limitations because of its budget and performances on occasion. But it is quite entertaining. It does some silly shit that is original and nostalgic at the same time. It was a perfect movie to finish my night. Check it out if you get a chance.
